Friends – Part 2 (Daily Encouragement Series)
“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” – Proverbs 12:26
Like any healthy relationship, healthy friendship take time, effort and energy. In his book “Simplify”, Bill Hybels reminds that “you have only so many many relational dollars to spend, and you must steward them wisely.” He expounds on how to strengthen and “spend your relational dollars” to develop healthy friendships and deepen your relational circles*:
Take small steps – start relationships slow as you get to know someone. Take small steps–and avoid having to take awkward steps back because you jumped in too soon.
Invest time – deepening friendships takes time. Carve out time for deepening relationships. Often the urgent (appointments, deadlines) can take priority over the important (relationships).
Create shared experiences – find hobbies, activities, serving opportunities etc. that create space for conversations and memories. Shared experiences beyond a casual get-together can augment and cement a developing friendship.
Wait for the volley – If you find you’re doing all the initiating in a new friendship, it might be wise to wait for your new friend to return the volley. Make sure that he or she is interested in (and has the time for) deepening the friendship with you.
Take off your mask (first) – when…you feel confident that the desire for a deepening friendship is mutual, begin to take off your mask…start with a small truth about yourself that you don’t share with just anyone, and see how the person handles the responsibility of that truth in the coming weeks.
In a crisis, show up – You cannot orchestrate this last tip. But in a deepening friendship, when a crises arises, show up. Deep friendships are forge in the fire of pain. If your friend experiences a personal loss of any kind, extend yourself.
While this list is not exhaustive, they are helpful and practical tips to develop and deepen friendships. We live in a culture that values knowing a lot of people (see Facebook), but not many have the deep friendships that we so desperately need.
How can you begin to spend some “relational dollars” to develop and deepen some meaningful relationships?